Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Haiku Fiend

After being inspired by my lovely wife to write a haiku, I decided to write one about school since finals week is coming up. Enjoy!

Semesters over.
Only one more whole year left.
Man does school suck bad.

There. I hope that brought a tear to your eye as your heart moves with emotion. Thank you.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Man Up!

I'm tired of men who aren't manly. I'm tired of men who are "metrosexual" or whatever in the world that means. Men should be leaders, like God has called them to be, and should stand up for what is right, just, and true. They should be honest and God-fearing and should enjoy things like sports, guns, movies with explosions and/or ninjas, and meat (rare if possible). Also, in no way, shape, or form does the level of hotness of the woman at your side determine if you are a Man's Man. So with that said, I have compiled a list of ways to help you identify men who do not fit the definition of manly men!

1. Manly men only drink tap water. Ordering expensive bottled water at a restauraunt automatically disqualifies you from holding the title of "Manly Man."

2. Manly men do not know what conditioner is.

3. Under NO circumstances should a Manly Man wear make up.

4. A Manly Man will gladly kill to protect his families and/or those he loves.

5. A Manly Man does not use wax on any part of his body (also known as "Manscaping").

6. A Manly Man does not enjoy sports where serious bodily injury is not possible and/or likely.

7. A Manly Man can repair his own vehicle.

8. A Manly Man has no qualms about farting and/or burping in public.

9. A Manly Man always cleans his plate.

10. Meat: the redder, the better.

Anyways, those are just a few I came up with. With that said, the following are a list of men (in no particular order) who I, as a Man's Man, have deemed "Non Manly Men."

1. Matthew Perry
2. Richard Gere
3. Justin Timberlake
4. David Schwimmer
5. Clay Aiken
6. Al Gore
7. Tom Cruise
8. John Kerry
9. Owen Wilson
10. Jude Law
11. Topher Grace
12. Ashton Kutcher
13. Hugh Grant
14. David Spade
15. Matthew McConaughey
16. Johnny Depp
17. Pierce Brosnan
18. Ryan Seacrest
19. Simon Cowell
20. Orlando Bloom
21. John Travolta

It only makes sense to now identify some men who truly are manly men!

1. Clint Eastwood
2. Douglas MacArthur
3. Russell Crowe
4. Arnold Schwarzenegger
5. Ronald Reagan
6. Gregory Peck
7. Denzel Washington
8. Harrison Ford
9. Sean Connery
10. Mel Gibson
11. George S. Patton
12. John Wayne
13. George Washington
14. Steve McQueen
15. Paul Newman
16. Abraham Lincoln
17. Batman
18. Will Smith
19. Bruce Willis
20. Samuel L. Jackson

There. I'm glad I finally got that out in the open for the public to see. I feel like this has probably been my most beneficial-to-the-world posting yet, so I hope you enjoyed it.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Good Times!

I remember the first time I held my wife's hand! What an amazing night it was. I think it may have been our second or third date and I remember that I could already tell that I was really going to like this girl. She was smart, funny, witty, and had a killer body! She was exactly everything I was looking for in a girl. So anyways, there we were, playing putt putt at the local mini golf hot spot. We were on the last hole and my later-to-be-wife was beating me and there was no chance of me coming back. One way or another we ended up agreeing that if I could manage a hole-in-one on the last hole that I would be declared the victor and be the champion of putt putt. Well waddayaknow I made a hole in one! I was the champion! My date reluctantly conceded defeat and we started to make our way back to the car. I'd been dying to hold her hand, touch her elbow, rub her back, anything the whole night! So as we exited the mini golf course I gently slipped my hand into hers, softly grasping her beautiful fingers. It was very exciting and I'll never forget the feelings of anticipation, anxiety, butterflies, and what I later discovered to be love I felt that night. Winning in putt putt was nothing compared to being close to my beautiful, blue-eyed girl. But what I remember even more than that was the hot and steamy make out session that followed in my car! I just couldn't keep her off me! She was like a wild animal! Okay, that last part I made up but a guy can dream, can't he?