Thursday, April 17, 2008

Man Up!

I'm tired of men who aren't manly. I'm tired of men who are "metrosexual" or whatever in the world that means. Men should be leaders, like God has called them to be, and should stand up for what is right, just, and true. They should be honest and God-fearing and should enjoy things like sports, guns, movies with explosions and/or ninjas, and meat (rare if possible). Also, in no way, shape, or form does the level of hotness of the woman at your side determine if you are a Man's Man. So with that said, I have compiled a list of ways to help you identify men who do not fit the definition of manly men!

1. Manly men only drink tap water. Ordering expensive bottled water at a restauraunt automatically disqualifies you from holding the title of "Manly Man."

2. Manly men do not know what conditioner is.

3. Under NO circumstances should a Manly Man wear make up.

4. A Manly Man will gladly kill to protect his families and/or those he loves.

5. A Manly Man does not use wax on any part of his body (also known as "Manscaping").

6. A Manly Man does not enjoy sports where serious bodily injury is not possible and/or likely.

7. A Manly Man can repair his own vehicle.

8. A Manly Man has no qualms about farting and/or burping in public.

9. A Manly Man always cleans his plate.

10. Meat: the redder, the better.

Anyways, those are just a few I came up with. With that said, the following are a list of men (in no particular order) who I, as a Man's Man, have deemed "Non Manly Men."

1. Matthew Perry
2. Richard Gere
3. Justin Timberlake
4. David Schwimmer
5. Clay Aiken
6. Al Gore
7. Tom Cruise
8. John Kerry
9. Owen Wilson
10. Jude Law
11. Topher Grace
12. Ashton Kutcher
13. Hugh Grant
14. David Spade
15. Matthew McConaughey
16. Johnny Depp
17. Pierce Brosnan
18. Ryan Seacrest
19. Simon Cowell
20. Orlando Bloom
21. John Travolta

It only makes sense to now identify some men who truly are manly men!

1. Clint Eastwood
2. Douglas MacArthur
3. Russell Crowe
4. Arnold Schwarzenegger
5. Ronald Reagan
6. Gregory Peck
7. Denzel Washington
8. Harrison Ford
9. Sean Connery
10. Mel Gibson
11. George S. Patton
12. John Wayne
13. George Washington
14. Steve McQueen
15. Paul Newman
16. Abraham Lincoln
17. Batman
18. Will Smith
19. Bruce Willis
20. Samuel L. Jackson

There. I'm glad I finally got that out in the open for the public to see. I feel like this has probably been my most beneficial-to-the-world posting yet, so I hope you enjoyed it.


Sybil said...

I'm proud to have added to the group of the "manly man" population! NO weenies in this family :)

Angela said...

Matthew Perry and David Schwimmer? How dare you?!?

Johnny Depp - that really surprises me that you put him on the wimpy list. He was Captain Jack Sparrow!

Matthew McConaughey - I don't necessarily like him, but I wouldn't characterize him as "non-manly."

Two additions:
1. Will Smith - manly
2. Ryan Seacrest - non-manly

Elizabeth said...

so your list of requirements for a man i completely agree with. however, justin timberlake and matthew mcconaughey don't deserve to be qualified as "non-manly"
1. justin timberlake likes girls
2. matthew walks around with his shirt off all the time and that, i think, should definitely be a requirement of a manly man (if that makes me sound like a perv then i was just joking)
anyway that's what i think about that.
also, simon cowell-non manly

Dusty said...

Good additions, Angela and Elizabeth. Non manly, however, does not necessarily equal gay.

Matthew McConaughey made the non manly list because he makes fru-fru girly movies, jogs around with Lance Armstrong like they're bromancing each other, and can you see him drinking anything other than expensive bottled water and eating anything other than salads? I can't either.

Johnny Depp made the non manly list because of feminine tendencies. Yea, he was a pirate, but not a manly pirate. Just because you're dirty and and say "arggh!" doesn't make you a man's man.

I can't believe I would even have to justify Matthew Perry and David Schwimmer! Yea, they're real manly men! LOL

I'll adjust the list with the new additions, ladies. Thanks.

daynagonzalez said...

I agree with you, Dustin on almost all points...the one I don't agree with is the bodily noises in public. I think a Manly Man should also be a gentleman around ladies.

Angela said...

Yes, Dayna! I definitely agree!!!!!!

Tiffany said...

One thing i don't like is that you equate your definition of a manly man with a God-fearing man. Billy is a vegetarian and I could never see him with a gun but he most certainly loves God and I love that he's who he is and not a sterotype of what society says it is to be a man. That's my 2 cents.

Dusty said...

The reason I equate being a manly man with being God-fearing is because that is exactly what the Bible calls men to be as the servant leaders of their families. Also, being truthful and standing up for what is right isn't just men either. All of the other stuff, however, such as red meat, guns, farting, etc. is all just for fun and is exactly stereotypical.

Tiffany said...

I agree with part of that explanation but I'm not gona debate it over a blog. I laughed at your blog, your a great humorist and writer!! Keep em' comin!

Elizabeth said...

batman is the ultimate manly man. i know this because his bedsheets keep me warm at night.
he should be moved to the top of your list.
and the fact that you used "bromancing" made me laugh because i didn't realize that word was so widely popular. i thought it was just a tennessee thing.

Dusty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dusty said...

I agree with Batman being the most manly of men. I know this because his undies keep me securely in place. If the Manly Man list were in order, Batman would definitely be at the top, with Clint Eastwood in a close second.

MyKidsMom said...

Yikes!!!! Keeping my mouth closed on this one..of course, I don't know by sight half the men listed on either list...Batman I DO know (I have 2 boys after all) and we have always had the highest opinion of him, even in the earliest movie when he wore tights (Adam West style).

SO glad I'm NOT a man...